It hurts me so much that I just cannot speak to you anymore.

I've tried, but I just cannot.

You see, I have a crush on you.

A crush that just won't go away.

I long to hold you.

And now that I know that it is NEVER going to happen, I can see traces of US ripping away.

I've lost a friend. A friend I LOVED so dearly. This emptiness just wont go away. I find chiding myself for falling so hopelessly for someone. This is against my very being of self-freedom and self-love. Its a real ego crusher alright.

And since I cannot love you, and since you do not love me, and since I cannot make you love me, I can't see you anymore. I cannot talk to you anymore.

There is venom of resentment that is building up and has made me thoroughly bitter inside. Yes, I am better towards you. And in effect the world.

This is the reason I hate everyone, or rather, don't seem to be able to love anyone.

Then again, this is all just thoughts in my head.

I do not know myself. Its like my mind is functioning independent of me. Or like there's another me inside me who cannot let you go.

NO! I do not want to be in a relationship with you.

Its much more...maybe a reason to validate my existence, to know for sure that there is one person on this planet who loves me unconditionally, without expectations and judgements.

Sadly, its not you. So it pains me.

And if not you, of all the people, then who else?

This only means one thing - I am alone.
Everyone is.

And that's the reason I cannot speak to you. All attempts get throttled by a lump in my throat. I just want to scream but don't know how.