Some mornings, I just wake up angry.
Tuesday, September 16, 2014
The take away from my quarter life crisis was this - life is just one long wait for death (well, its short in the case of some people I guess).
This epiphany every notion that I had of me and those around me. I have learnt to keep a safe distance from everyone to ease off of complications, because in the end, it means nothing.
I feel close to NO ONE.
Its feels liberating, as well as a damaging - hollowing.
Longing
I have resigned to a fate of exclusion by the ones I loved the most. It doesn't hurt much, but I feel utterly alone - small - in a vast, damp blackness.
Solitude is learnt through acceptance of rejection.
Solitude is learnt through acceptance of rejection.
Thursday, September 4, 2014
Wednesday, September 3, 2014
Friday, July 11, 2014
Monday, July 7, 2014
Saturday, July 5, 2014
Addiction
"This addiction has to stop!" I say, as I break the tip of a cigarette and hand it over to V so he can CRAD (Crush and Roll a Doob). Yes, stoners are creative at unnecessary things like that.
I take the remainder half, take out a matchstick, and light a cigarette.
I take the remainder half, take out a matchstick, and light a cigarette.
Unsatisfied Whining Lost Souls
Parents are the only ones, who'll ever always acknowledge your presence. They are constantly validating your existence. Like if you're in the house and one of them just happens to come in the room to do something, they always say something. They have to say something. Sometimes, its a scolding for slacking off. At others its to tell you that its enough work and that you should get some sleep. They just have to do it. Its like they are afraid we will turn out like them. That's what they constantly say. 'You have to do better than...us'.
As I get older, I think I understand why they do that - constantly keep us at our feet, keep us alert at all times, never satisfied with what we are, always telling us to move forward. Its sooo easy to get lazy. To push things for tomorrow. All humans do that. That's why everyone living on this planet is living with some regret or the other. The one's who really shine are the ones who constantly re-invent themselves, constantly better themselves...grow meaningfully.
Yeah, so parents do that. Annoyingly regular reality checks. When they're around, its difficult to wander off in your mind. They keep you sane. There's a good morning and a goodnight, no matter how big the fight.
Now when you leave home and head out in the world, we don't have that luxury.
So its easy to lose control and go to dark places inside your mind.
And surprise! They have turned us into unsatisfied whining lost souls.
Unavoidable, inevitable turns eventually leads to a full circle?
As I get older, I think I understand why they do that - constantly keep us at our feet, keep us alert at all times, never satisfied with what we are, always telling us to move forward. Its sooo easy to get lazy. To push things for tomorrow. All humans do that. That's why everyone living on this planet is living with some regret or the other. The one's who really shine are the ones who constantly re-invent themselves, constantly better themselves...grow meaningfully.
Yeah, so parents do that. Annoyingly regular reality checks. When they're around, its difficult to wander off in your mind. They keep you sane. There's a good morning and a goodnight, no matter how big the fight.
Now when you leave home and head out in the world, we don't have that luxury.
So its easy to lose control and go to dark places inside your mind.
And surprise! They have turned us into unsatisfied whining lost souls.
Unavoidable, inevitable turns eventually leads to a full circle?
Humans
"This robot does not know it's a robot"
South Park Season 8 Episode 5
Original air date: April 14, 2004
The evilly vile Cartman 'disguises' as a robot - the
A.W.E.S.O.M-O, in his latest attempt to turning Butters into a victim of yet another of
his sick prank.
----
What are we
if not a biological robot?
Designed to
inhabit this place called Earth.
We run on
energy that needs to be recharged constantly. Smooth functioning can be ensured
only with regular re-fueling. Our parts get rusty as we get old. Our systems need constant cleaning too. If
not switched off at least 8 hours a day, we tend to over-heat. Not good mileage
I'm afraid. And no guarantee/warrantee either.
Cautiousness
is the only way to preserve and keep total failure at bay.
How long you
will last, is directly proportional to how closely you follow the safety
instructions manual.
Oops! Life
doesn't come with one.
"I'm afraid that Earth, all of Earth, is nothing but
an inter-galactic reality TV show."
South Park, Season 7 Episode 1.Original air date: March 19, 2003
Tuesday, July 1, 2014
Chasing Cars
I had once asked her:
If I lay here,
If I just lay here,
Would you lie with me and just forget the world ?
She didnt say anything,
just laid down besides me.
The smell of rain dampened grass underneath
passing through us for scattered stars above.
Now I see you've become me
Using my words to woo yourself another me.
Ah, the sweet memories of a love gone by.
Ah, the sweet pain of a together forever that didnt happen.
And so we grow older, wiser
and hopefully happier everyday.
If I lay here,
If I just lay here,
Would you lie with me and just forget the world ?
She didnt say anything,
just laid down besides me.
The smell of rain dampened grass underneath
passing through us for scattered stars above.
Now I see you've become me
Using my words to woo yourself another me.
Ah, the sweet memories of a love gone by.
Ah, the sweet pain of a together forever that didnt happen.
And so we grow older, wiser
and hopefully happier everyday.
Monday, June 30, 2014
Outpour
There are words in my head.
All the time.
At all times.
Words, thoughts, and ideas and more words.
They swim around
in an abyss.
Thoughts, drowning
Some never to re-surface.
Ideas erupting
but never to fruition.
The effort of putting them down,
its draining.
So they stay inside
creating havoc in every small occasion.
All the time.
At all times.
Words, thoughts, and ideas and more words.
They swim around
in an abyss.
Thoughts, drowning
Some never to re-surface.
Ideas erupting
but never to fruition.
The effort of putting them down,
its draining.
So they stay inside
creating havoc in every small occasion.
Monday, June 23, 2014
Monday, May 26, 2014
Saturday, April 19, 2014
I thought of her
Like bouts of seizure,
ill-timed and when least expected,
my heart wistfully wanders
and I see her everywhere.
and I see her everywhere.
Saturday, February 15, 2014
LIST
Making Lists and not executing them is as good as not doing it. Its a waste of time -
JUST LIKE YOUR LIFE!!
SO SHUT THE FUCK UP!
Rain makes me miss home.
It is a cruel reminder of the hardships people face every year, sometimes with their lives.
It is freedom I feel when I see the rains in Bombay.
The broiling sea,
the gloomy brightness,
the drizzling manna -
replenishing the soul.
Giving strength to carry on, not the fear
of staying up all night'with accepted fate of meeting death.
It is a cruel reminder of the hardships people face every year, sometimes with their lives.
It is freedom I feel when I see the rains in Bombay.
The broiling sea,
the gloomy brightness,
the drizzling manna -
replenishing the soul.
Giving strength to carry on, not the fear
of staying up all night'with accepted fate of meeting death.
Thursday, January 2, 2014
Silver Jubilee Illumination
So its been a long long time since I wrote last.
The start of a new year forces me to reflect back on 2013 and voice out to myself what I have learnt.
I turned 25 in 2013. Quarter of a life over - assuming I'd live to be a hundered - highly unlikely though.
Oh ho! I am not hinting at suicide. I am far from it. When I lost my sister in 2012 May, I knew I'd never want my mother to go through the pain. It hurt so bad. Grieving never really ends. We carry the knowledge in our hearts, push it in the back rooms of our minds and carry on with the jobs, the mad rush at the local, the late night coffees...but you have changed inside and you begin to question - is this really worth it when life is so short - while you stare blankly into the computer screen,the rush maddening and the coffee a bit tasteless.
It has taken me this long to break the silence. Life is hard but its a routine everyone has to get through.
Everything around has a routine. What starts must end. Plants, animals, school, college, relationships, life.
So are we really in control?
Its futile to looks for answers one would say, because there is none.
Our puny human minds have fabricated religions among numerous other philosophies to make sense as to why we even exist and what the purpose of life really is. We follow people; turn people into gods, gods into demons, demons into celebrities and follow them. But aren't we all unique? So how is it possible that one philosophy appeals to so many in a population? It is convenience. We are shaped by things around us - what we see, who we see, what we learn from them. The thing about belief is that it can be moulded and twisted into what we want. It is not based on absolute facts. What we know today as empirical truths - even scientific - becomes outdated eventually. Our entire body is completely new every seven to ten years. Thats disputed too!
If anything, life is just one long wait to death. Its like the lounge in an airport, spending time till you hear your boarding call. What you do to pass your time is up to you but you don't always get what you want. There are restriction zones; the toilet booth might've run out of toilet paper; the coffee shop may be giving a discount. You think you're in control, but not really.
You might ask, why do anything at all?
Because we're desperately searching for acceptance, to be loved, to be appreciated. Eventually it is because you are afraid to die alone I guess. You'd want you final moments to be as easy as possible I think.
25 is too young to thinking about death you'd say.
You never know.
People come to various realisations when they reach 25 and it forms the basis of how the rest of their life is going to be. The philosophy we develop depends on things we've experienced and how our outlook is which in turn is shaped by things we have experienced. Since my experiences are different from yours, this is my reality.
The start of a new year forces me to reflect back on 2013 and voice out to myself what I have learnt.
I turned 25 in 2013. Quarter of a life over - assuming I'd live to be a hundered - highly unlikely though.
Oh ho! I am not hinting at suicide. I am far from it. When I lost my sister in 2012 May, I knew I'd never want my mother to go through the pain. It hurt so bad. Grieving never really ends. We carry the knowledge in our hearts, push it in the back rooms of our minds and carry on with the jobs, the mad rush at the local, the late night coffees...but you have changed inside and you begin to question - is this really worth it when life is so short - while you stare blankly into the computer screen,the rush maddening and the coffee a bit tasteless.
It has taken me this long to break the silence. Life is hard but its a routine everyone has to get through.
Everything around has a routine. What starts must end. Plants, animals, school, college, relationships, life.
So are we really in control?
Its futile to looks for answers one would say, because there is none.
Our puny human minds have fabricated religions among numerous other philosophies to make sense as to why we even exist and what the purpose of life really is. We follow people; turn people into gods, gods into demons, demons into celebrities and follow them. But aren't we all unique? So how is it possible that one philosophy appeals to so many in a population? It is convenience. We are shaped by things around us - what we see, who we see, what we learn from them. The thing about belief is that it can be moulded and twisted into what we want. It is not based on absolute facts. What we know today as empirical truths - even scientific - becomes outdated eventually. Our entire body is completely new every seven to ten years. Thats disputed too!
If anything, life is just one long wait to death. Its like the lounge in an airport, spending time till you hear your boarding call. What you do to pass your time is up to you but you don't always get what you want. There are restriction zones; the toilet booth might've run out of toilet paper; the coffee shop may be giving a discount. You think you're in control, but not really.
You might ask, why do anything at all?
Because we're desperately searching for acceptance, to be loved, to be appreciated. Eventually it is because you are afraid to die alone I guess. You'd want you final moments to be as easy as possible I think.
25 is too young to thinking about death you'd say.
You never know.
People come to various realisations when they reach 25 and it forms the basis of how the rest of their life is going to be. The philosophy we develop depends on things we've experienced and how our outlook is which in turn is shaped by things we have experienced. Since my experiences are different from yours, this is my reality.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)