So its been a long long time since I wrote last.
The start of a new year forces me to reflect back on 2013 and voice out to myself what I have learnt.
I turned 25 in 2013. Quarter of a life over - assuming I'd live to be a hundered - highly unlikely though.
Oh ho! I am not hinting at suicide. I am far from it. When I lost my sister in 2012 May, I knew I'd never want my mother to go through the pain. It hurt so bad. Grieving never really ends. We carry the knowledge in our hearts, push it in the back rooms of our minds and carry on with the jobs, the mad rush at the local, the late night coffees...but you have changed inside and you begin to question - is this really worth it when life is so short - while you stare blankly into the computer screen,the rush maddening and the coffee a bit tasteless.
It has taken me this long to break the silence. Life is hard but its a routine everyone has to get through.
Everything around has a routine. What starts must end. Plants, animals, school, college, relationships, life.
So are we really in control?
Its futile to looks for answers one would say, because there is none.
Our puny human minds have fabricated religions among numerous other philosophies to make sense as to why we even exist and what the purpose of life really is. We follow people; turn people into gods, gods into demons, demons into celebrities and follow them. But aren't we all unique? So how is it possible that one philosophy appeals to so many in a population? It is convenience. We are shaped by things around us - what we see, who we see, what we learn from them. The thing about belief is that it can be moulded and twisted into what we want. It is not based on absolute facts. What we know today as empirical truths - even scientific - becomes outdated eventually. Our entire body is completely new every seven to ten years. Thats disputed too!
If anything, life is just one long wait to death. Its like the lounge in an airport, spending time till you hear your boarding call. What you do to pass your time is up to you but you don't always get what you want. There are restriction zones; the toilet booth might've run out of toilet paper; the coffee shop may be giving a discount. You think you're in control, but not really.
You might ask, why do anything at all?
Because we're desperately searching for acceptance, to be loved, to be appreciated. Eventually it is because you are afraid to die alone I guess. You'd want you final moments to be as easy as possible I think.
25 is too young to thinking about death you'd say.
You never know.
People come to various realisations when they reach 25 and it forms the basis of how the rest of their life is going to be. The philosophy we develop depends on things we've experienced and how our outlook is which in turn is shaped by things we have experienced. Since my experiences are different from yours, this is my reality.
The start of a new year forces me to reflect back on 2013 and voice out to myself what I have learnt.
I turned 25 in 2013. Quarter of a life over - assuming I'd live to be a hundered - highly unlikely though.
Oh ho! I am not hinting at suicide. I am far from it. When I lost my sister in 2012 May, I knew I'd never want my mother to go through the pain. It hurt so bad. Grieving never really ends. We carry the knowledge in our hearts, push it in the back rooms of our minds and carry on with the jobs, the mad rush at the local, the late night coffees...but you have changed inside and you begin to question - is this really worth it when life is so short - while you stare blankly into the computer screen,the rush maddening and the coffee a bit tasteless.
It has taken me this long to break the silence. Life is hard but its a routine everyone has to get through.
Everything around has a routine. What starts must end. Plants, animals, school, college, relationships, life.
So are we really in control?
Its futile to looks for answers one would say, because there is none.
Our puny human minds have fabricated religions among numerous other philosophies to make sense as to why we even exist and what the purpose of life really is. We follow people; turn people into gods, gods into demons, demons into celebrities and follow them. But aren't we all unique? So how is it possible that one philosophy appeals to so many in a population? It is convenience. We are shaped by things around us - what we see, who we see, what we learn from them. The thing about belief is that it can be moulded and twisted into what we want. It is not based on absolute facts. What we know today as empirical truths - even scientific - becomes outdated eventually. Our entire body is completely new every seven to ten years. Thats disputed too!
If anything, life is just one long wait to death. Its like the lounge in an airport, spending time till you hear your boarding call. What you do to pass your time is up to you but you don't always get what you want. There are restriction zones; the toilet booth might've run out of toilet paper; the coffee shop may be giving a discount. You think you're in control, but not really.
You might ask, why do anything at all?
Because we're desperately searching for acceptance, to be loved, to be appreciated. Eventually it is because you are afraid to die alone I guess. You'd want you final moments to be as easy as possible I think.
25 is too young to thinking about death you'd say.
You never know.
People come to various realisations when they reach 25 and it forms the basis of how the rest of their life is going to be. The philosophy we develop depends on things we've experienced and how our outlook is which in turn is shaped by things we have experienced. Since my experiences are different from yours, this is my reality.
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