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The scar on your hand
I wanted to reach out
And kiss it.
The scar on your hand
I wanted to reach out
And kiss it.
Saturday, August 29, 2015
The Last Cigarette
My first brush with a cigarette was when I was six. I was in my mother's maternal village and I noticed that my tallo ghar neighbour tossed off a butt he had just finished. I picked it up with a
Swoop, ran home and closed the doors. I lit it and took a drag. I coughed and how, nose burning and running, eyes burning and tears rolling. I thought I was gonna die.
When I was nine my best friend and I hatched a plan- that we were gonna be "bad girls", smoke but be a very good in front of everyone else; things like active participation in church activities. I don't really remember the motivation behind it.
When I was in 12th a friend, her cousin and I bought three sticks. They knew what brand to buy. We then sneaked to a secluded path way and smoked it. Don't remember the motivation behind it either but I just wanted to try I guess.
When I was in college, a smoker friend would come home with cigarettes for us both. I smoked two cigarettes every weekend for a year. Till I think a cooler friend moved into town and she started to hang out with her instead of me.
I think the 2nd year of college was fairly uneventful. Till I joined my first marketing job. Most of the girls there smoked. It was cool. But that was never my motivation. I was just going through shit at that time.
By the time this year came, I was a certified smoker AND and occasional stoner.
Four years ago I moved to Bombay and the habit has grown and taken over my life. My health is deteriorating and I can feel my insides dying.
So I am going to make this drama free and just do it - go cold turkey. It's for myself and no one else. Because it's just better.
Swoop, ran home and closed the doors. I lit it and took a drag. I coughed and how, nose burning and running, eyes burning and tears rolling. I thought I was gonna die.
When I was nine my best friend and I hatched a plan- that we were gonna be "bad girls", smoke but be a very good in front of everyone else; things like active participation in church activities. I don't really remember the motivation behind it.
When I was in 12th a friend, her cousin and I bought three sticks. They knew what brand to buy. We then sneaked to a secluded path way and smoked it. Don't remember the motivation behind it either but I just wanted to try I guess.
When I was in college, a smoker friend would come home with cigarettes for us both. I smoked two cigarettes every weekend for a year. Till I think a cooler friend moved into town and she started to hang out with her instead of me.
I think the 2nd year of college was fairly uneventful. Till I joined my first marketing job. Most of the girls there smoked. It was cool. But that was never my motivation. I was just going through shit at that time.
By the time this year came, I was a certified smoker AND and occasional stoner.
Four years ago I moved to Bombay and the habit has grown and taken over my life. My health is deteriorating and I can feel my insides dying.
So I am going to make this drama free and just do it - go cold turkey. It's for myself and no one else. Because it's just better.
Ghost
"When I look upon the past with her, she disappears without me noticing.
Or maybe she may not have existed from the start."
https://youtu.be/ao4o-XRU_KM
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