Tuesday, November 29, 2011

The Story So Far

This Year
Love poems by Pablo Neruda.
Secret yet in the open.
First date.
Happy but tormented.

Last Year
It was real.
It was intense.
But then breaking point.

Third Year
Rejection.
Heartbreak yet again.
Dark and chilly winter nights.
A huge suitcase.

Second Year
First taste of love.
Obsession.
Heartbreak.
I thought I would never recover again.

First Year
Puppy Love.
Oh how smitten I was.
Oh how I adored her and looked up to her.

Class Eleven and Twelve
Books.
Sleepovers.
Monster.
Cristiano Ronaldo.
Inspiring.
Unending love.
Best friend.
She single handedly turned my world around.

Class Nine
No music.
Only Sports. 
She was the sports captain of her school.


Class Six
I swear she looked like Britney Spears to me.

Tuesday, November 22, 2011

Does Time Really Heal?


It had almost been eight months since I'd seen her last. I thought of the last conversation we’d had. It had ended with a mighty ‘fuck you’. Those were the last words I'd heard her lips say. By this time, the two of us had already reduced to nothing more than abusive fights; it had become too much of a mess to clean up. There was nothing left to salvage.

My decision to move to Mumbai from Delhi was not a calculated one but it had come at a time when I needed it the most. The days after she walked out of my life had been painful and gruesome. I was on the verge of suicide. Somehow Delhi had become too painful for me to handle. Every place I went to reminded me of her. The songs on the radio, the panawadi near Panchsheel Flyover. Everything. It had become impossible for me to live as a functioning being. But I had made deliberate efforts to stay away from her. It took every fibre in my body to stop myself from messaging her and telling her that it’s ok and that I love her. ..

Standing outside Hauz Khas metro station, I was in two minds if I should meet her after so much time at all. There were instances where I even thought of calling her up and feign a headache and cancel our meeting.  But I didn’t.

My heart skipped a beat as I saw the familiar gray Maruti Zen pull up.  She rolled down the car window. I bent down and said hello. The smiles were genuine but had traces of heartbreak.

I got in. The seat was as comfortable as I had remembered it last. The radios dial at an arm’s length. The initial awkwardness ebbed away as with each passing moment, stories of days gone by gave way to shy smiles and finally hearty laughter. This is the thing. This is it. The two of us share this nameless connection that cannot be of this worldly place. We loved with a love that was more than love.

As we took the familiar road towards her house, I realized how every place in the city was in some way or the other associated with her. With us. There, we’d had momos for the first time together; there, we’d gone to watch a play; there, on that road, we were caught by the traffic police because we were driving on the wrong side because we had too little petrol to take a U-turn for the Petrol Pump. The entire city screamed of memories too loud for my head to suppress.

When we reached her house, no sooner had we entered her room when she switched the stereo on; a ritual that hadn’t changed I observed. And then I noticed something else. I noticed every small detail about her that I realized I had missed for the last eight months. The way her kajal always smudged and seemed to run from underneath her eyes. The peculiar way she lit the cigarette with her lips pursed so dangerously inside her mouth. Her cravings for ice. They way she gesticulated with her long hands flying all over the place. The way her face contorted with worry when she was past her curfew time and the way she called home and lied that she would reach within five minutes even though she was a good forty minutes away from her place.

Yes I had missed her terribly

But things were different now. Seeing her in front of my eyes at that moment, after almost eight months of separation made me realize that despite the nights filled with tears and hatred, despite the unbearable pain I sometimes thought would end only with my life, I was just glad she was in  my life again. What I have is too important to lose.
So that night, we took out the bottle of Goan tequila, and drank to the days gone by, to memories that would last lifetimes and the beginning of an everlasting friendship.

We cuddled and slept.


Saturday, November 12, 2011

Conflict Resolution

IGNORING IT       GIVING IN
SPLITTING THE DIFFERENCE
WIN/LOSE     COOPERATING

Friday, November 11, 2011

Love Sonnet XVII by Pablo Neruda

Simply because I have been in love for the past four months.
All the symptoms are there:
I dream of you when I sleep,         
I search for you in my waking hours.
Yes I am in Love.
Hence, Neruda!

I don’t love you as if you were the salt-rose, topaz
or arrow of carnations that propagate fire:
I love you as certain dark things are loved,
secretly, between the shadow and the soul.

I love you as the plant that doesn’t bloom and carries
hidden within itself the light of those flowers,
and thanks to your love, darkly in my body
lives the dense fragrance that rises from the earth.

I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where,
I love you simply, without problems or pride:

I love you in this way because I don’t know any other way of loving
but this, in which there is no I or you,
so intimate that your hand upon my chest is my hand,
so intimate that when I fall asleep it is your eyes that close.



Wednesday, November 9, 2011

Love is Love

Its an ordinary hot day in an ordinary city garden. Lovers find respite and an excuse to get close under the shade of trees. A girl sits waiting patiently for her lover, tormented by anger, sadness and insecurity. A shower of red rose petals two minutes later, chases all of them away. At last, her lover, with her long slender neck and her delicate smile stands in front of her. 


Love is love. 
Love sees no religion.  
Love sees no caste. 
Love sees no race. 
Love sees no colour. 
Love sees no gender. 
Love, is love.



Saturday, November 5, 2011

The Bus Ride

“Do you want to have Coca-Cola?”

“Huh”. Sunita was stirred from her reverie and she realised that the bus had stopped at a roadside dhaba. The other passengers had gotten off. Some were nibbling on stale potato chips while a few others ran to the ramshackle loo.

Her husband, Rajesh asked again “do you want coca-cola?”. She replied ‘No” absentmindedly. “It’s ok. Don’t be shy. I am your husband now. You can tell me anything. If you feel hungry. If you feel thirsty. Do you want to use the bathroom? The next stop is the city. That’s another three hours away. It’s better if you go now. Or at least eat something.”

“No. I’m fine,” replied Sunita and went back ruminating.

“You don’t speak much do you?” sighed Rajesh but she wasn’t really paying attention.

It was true that she had lost her appetite ever since the wedding day. Her relatives from as far as three villages away had come to partake of the feast. Everyone was dressed in their finest clothes. The children ran around playing hide and seek as their parents took second, third helpings of the pulao and chicken curry and gulab jamun and sherbet. Such a grand spread was never seen.  Women came up to Sunita to give her their blessings. “Your life is made beti” they said. And why not. Her husband worked in the big city as a cook in a big bungalow. And his employers had even given him a nice room within the vicinity of the big house, right next to the garden. What’s more, he had saved enough money to buy a motorbike and he had paid for the entire marriage banquet. He had no vices that plagued others of his age. He was young and handsome with a moustache that gave him the look of a Hindi film hero. Her friends were beside themselves with jealousy. Her life really was made.

Or was it?

No sooner had this thought run through her head when the drone of motorbikes startled her. Everyone held their breath as the dust storm moved closer and closer. Pretty soon they  reached the roadside shack of a restaurant and started demanding money from the shopkeeper and the other passengers. No one dared to move or even protest since one of them was carrying a pistol. Before she could figure what was happening she saw, as Rajesh in one quick leap, pounced on the man carrying the pistol. The bystanders as if roused from a hypotonic state quickly rounded off the other gang members. Sunita watched her three-day new husband give a punch here and a kick there. In no time the passengers succeeded in giving a sound trashing to the miscreants. By the time the police arrived at the scene, they had been done in and piled in a mangled heap.
The police congratulated Rajesh for having shown presence of mind at such a testing time.

Remembering his wife suddenly, he ran inside the bus to check if she was okay. When Sunita saw Rajesh the words just came tumbling out her mouth “My parents lied to you. I can’t cook everything. I can’t make chapattis. When I was sixteen I fell in love with my neighbour’s boy but they moved to another village. Sometimes when I’m alone at home I dance in front of the mirror...” Rajesh looked at her with amused eyes. She smiled back. “I don’t like coca-cola but if they have water I can do with a bottle.”

“I’ll just get one” said Rajesh grinning as he ran to the dhaba.